Mommy Needs To Vent

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Patience-I'M LOSING IT! Could it be ADHD or ADD?

My son who started Kindergarten last week is getting into SO MUCH trouble in school. I think I am going to talk to his teacher today to see if it’s just him or if all the other kids are getting into trouble as well. Last year when he was in Preschool- he got in trouble maybe 5 times the entire year. This year, out of the 8 days he has been there, he has only had 2 days that he got a stamp in his folder.
The other day I felt awkward picking him up. His teacher was acting like I don’t discipline my child. In fact- we are VERY strict on our kids. Tyler CAN BE a little hard headed though. He is good in many aspects. He eats ALL his food. He never argues about anything he eats. I grew up if a family where I ate what was put in front of me. Sure- if he wants something for lunch I will make it for him. When dinner time comes around, he eats what I make. No exceptions. He hates eating beans. No matter how much he hates it he will eat the tiny little serving I still give him. If he doesn’t want to eat- he can go to bed.
Tyler never says bad words. He won’t ever tell me no or someone to shut up. He EVER tells me “NO”- he knows what is coming.
What I am saying is for the most part- Tyler is a really good kid and I have seen some bad kids. He is just very obnoxious and doesn’t pay attention. I had a talk with him about his behavior in school the other day. He was only 5 inches away from my face and looking into my eyes. I was talking to him very sternly. It was only about 3 sentences telling him that when I dropped him off he needed to sit at the table and not talk and not play. He wasn’t to do ANYTHING until his teacher gets him. I asked him “What did I just say?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?”
I don’t get it. He obviously was in la la land while I was talking to him. So then I started raising my voice. I am starting to lose my patience with him big time. I know he doesn’t have a memory problem. He is very smart for his age and if it wasn’t for his behavior- I think he is ahead of most of the children in his class. I don’t know that for a fact but last year his teacher had said that he was really smart. He can read some books on his own. He knows a lot of math already. So it is NOT his memory.

He also talks non stop all the time. People keep telling me that is normal. I know kids at this age talk and have a lot of questions and things on their mind- but like I said- I am getting to the point that I don’t want him talking. Last year his teacher already warned me that I was going to have problems with him in school the rest of his school years because of his talking. He has a lot of stuff to say I guess. Well she was right, because most of the trouble he has been in is for talking when he isn’t supposed to be. He interrupts his teacher while she is reading stories to the class. He plays with his friends and runs down the hallway. He doesn’t eat lunch because he is too busy talking.

My question here is- what am I doing wrong??? His teacher looked at me the other day and said I need to start putting him in time out. I DO PUT HIM IN TIME OUT! Then she suggested I started taking things from him. I ALREADY DO TAKE PRIVLIDGES AWAY FROM HIM! She probably wanted to say I needed to start busting his tail! I DO THAT TOO! Nothing works! I don’t understand this discipline thing at all I guess. I already told him he can’t go to his grandmas this weekend as of Tuesday. Yesterday he got into more trouble than ever. I made him lay in bed from the time he got home yesterday with no toys or anything. I let him get up for dinner. Then I made him go to bed early. I guess we will see if it did anything. I am sure it didn’t.

Could this be some other problem? Or am I just doing this all wrong? I feel like something is wrong. Is it possible he could have ADD or ADHD? This runs in both mine and my husband’s family. I am not sure if it’s hereditary. I am just losing my patience and don’t want him getting into so much trouble in school.


I don't know much about ADD or ADHD but I do know that kids that age do talk alot. I was just thinking that maybe he is so far advanced in his Kindergarten class that maybe he is bored. I had a cousin like that and they had to promote him 2 grades ahead. When they did that, he was fine. If you think about it, if something doesn't interest you, then you don't pay any attention to it. If they are going over stuff he knows or that comes easily for him, maybe he just doesn't pay attention because of that. If he is a talker, that is what he is doing. Does this make sense or did I make it worse?
Tasha, one thing is that I think this is a common age for them to act like this.

It is possible that it is ADD? Have you talked to his teacher about that? Can you get him tested?

Is it possible that maybe stress at home is causing his behavior?

Have you talked to your son about this in a nice but stern way and asked him what is wrong or why he thinks it's ok to do this at school? Maybe a good heart to heart talk with him will help....
I noticed my google ads and I want to click on them soooo much! LOL. Seems like things I can really use right now.

Thanks for the advice so far!
Ok- I'd really be pissed at that teacher. I really think she's overstepping her bounds in trying to tell you how to raise your son. But anyway- I think maybe he is too smart for the work and he's bored! When I was in kindergarten, they wanted to skip me because I already knew how to read, but my mom didn't want to. So there I was, bored outta my mind because I already knew the stuff we were "learning." I got into trouble a lot because I'd get up and walk around, talk a lot...etc. So maybe that's the problem!
Oh, and my brother has ADD and it really isn't good to test them this young. I'd wait another year.
He sounds a lot like my daughter who has ADD and mild CAPD. ADHD and ADD aren't easily diagnosed because it is based on subjective input from parents and teachers. You are not doing anything wrong and his teacher needs a clue. It seems to me that she needs to improve her discipline skills because they aren't working for HER. You will find that there are some teachers that can't handle spirited, inattentive children and will blame it on your parenting style. The sad thing is that these kinds of teachers bring the worst out in our children because they don't know how to help them channel their energy. These kids can't help it and most do outgrow it or learn techniques to help them stay focused. I also agree with Kristen that if he is highly intelligent then he will get bored easily and will need more challenging work. Good luck and stop beating yourself up. You're doing a good job!
I agree with other posts. We tend to blame ourselves, and that can be so destructive. Sounds like teacher isn't handling things very well. Slackermommy made very good points. Your child is too young for the behavior to be diagnosed. My daughter's behavior never fit the norm, but it took years to get the ADHD diagnosis and the right medication regimen. As far as heredity? ADD/HD runs in my husband's family, and both his brother's son and our daughter have it. Don't expect it, but be aware and alert. My daughter's in college now, finished her first year with grades good enough to earn her a place on the dean's list. But it took a lot of work and support to get her there. You'll get there. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's no your fault!
My dear, it does run in the family. It is genetic. Honestly, I would call the county and find out how to get him tested. That way, if it is ADD or ADHD you can get it estabilished now, he'll recieve the right services early and will be on his way to success.

Don't wait to rule it out.

There is no shame. Do NOT blame yourself. AT ALL. He is his own person and will make choices no matter how great of a job you've done and in spite of any mistakes. I make so many mistakes and I get scared too. BUt I know I've done the best I can with my son and now my daughter. That's all we can do as mommas. :)

I say get him tested. Rule it out or in and then go from there.

i am afraid my middle child will be like this... he is a talker and center of attention and funny and social etc...
it's almost too early for the teacher to tell if it's just the first week of school.. she needs to do more assessments of him in different settings.
can he sit at the carpet at storytime and listen to the book or is he up and moving and not sitting on the carpet? can he sit and do any task for any length of time and if so, what?
if i was the teacher... and you know i'm waiting to get licensed..i wouldnt tell you how to raise him and i would observe him in many situations over a period of time. perhaps he is a kinesthetic learner where he needs to move to learn and not just sit at a desk and listen and/or see (auditory vs visual)... some kids are that way.. they just need to move their body to learn... if she starts to discipline him in class by taking away recess then you need to step in becuase that is the last thing you want to do to a child that is active... it will only make him worse to force him to sit... another thing.. is it possible that he is just overwhelmed and excited about school? it's hard to give advice on someone i dont know but just so you know what to look out for etc...
google kinesthetic and you will see lots of stuff on it... i did but i won't bother posting the addy's here for you.
Hello, I'm just looking around and came across your blog. I was in the same position as you are now with your son. Logan is now in second grade and we are now in the process of doing the survey. I was told they would not do it until 6 to 8 and the problems would have to be present for atleast 6 months before they would do anything. Logan's is more focus but has the same issue's. If you like I could scan the sheet for you, it's not much. But just know you are not alone and I don't think the teacher should have suggested anything, it's not her place. I know here in Maryland they are not allowed to say those things or make assumptions about how to raise your child or to get them tested for that matter. At the same time, you have to remember too, the teacher don't always see everything and your child may be getting blamed sometimes for things he don't do. They try to pass it off on the parents because they want a perfect class sometimes too! I hope you find answers that will make things better and like I said, if you want that sheet I will be more then happy to :)
hi, just a few suggestions, maybe you should have him checked for some form of autism if you haven';t already. you sound like a very caring mom. you are doing a good job. sometimes children are over active and need outlets for all that energy. he doesnt seem to mean to be so overly talkative. some children have a form of autism that schools dont recognize and it goes un diagnosed and they chalk it up to behavior when in fact they cant help it. the clue to me came when you asked him what you said and he said i dont know even though you used a few words he didnt process what you had said. please give it a try you might be surprised. good luck and god bless.

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